My Time to Blossom

Spring is finally here in DC and I’ve decided to do something a little different and actually share a little about myself.  I’m normally a very private person (to a fault sometimes).  Only those close to me (which are a select few) truly know the real me.  I always felt like the less people knew about me, the better.  As a true Cancer, I tend to hide behind my hard shell.  But I’m starting to feel like it’s just an excuse, and I’m actually afraid of showing my true colors in fear of not being accepted.  That’s not the way to live life though.  My true colors will attract the people that are meant to be in my life.
Everyone else doesn’t matter.  I still feel like everyone doesn’t need to know everything, so I’m not about to confess all of my deepest secrets and skeletons (don’t act like I’m the only one). But I do think it’s time for me to come out of my shell.

            I’m not the average lady.  I grew up lower middle/middle class in New Haven, CT.  I’m a true northerner.  I had a good childhood and life. I took ballet and gymnastics as a child.  I went to a private school for elementary, a hood middle school, and an arts and humanities magnet high school. I continued dancing in high school and discovered my love for fashion.  My mother was heavily into fashion so she was probably my biggest influence.  I started creating my own looks by adding glitter, rhinestones, or feathers to everything.  I made my first dress my junior year (I still have it!).  I was always a good girl with good grades until the age of 16/17.  My wild, rebellious side came out, and things went left lol.  I won’t go into too many details right now lol (maybe another post).  I think it had something to do with my father leaving and my mother always working.  Being an only child, this often left me alone to wander and get into trouble. 

            For a couple years, I did the exact opposite of everything I was supposed to do like go to college, get a job, settle down, blah, blah, blah.  Although I did eventually get a degree, I didn’t go to college right after high school like many of my peers.  I also didn’t get a job during or after school, nor did I want one.  I worked for myself and I was making more money than most of my peers and probably making more than I do now.  But somehow, my mother got to me and convinced me to get a “good job”, and I’ve been miserable ever since.  I know she meant well.  Working for yourself isn’t easy or always consistent.  But  I have to live my life that way I see fit.

            Fast forward to now, I’m living in the Nation’s Capital (which I love), but I’m still living the corporate life.  And I still hate it.  I’ve always been a smart person but I always felt like I didn’t quite fit into the corporate world.  Maybe it suppresses my creative side; maybe I’m too rebellious; I like to do what I want, when I want.  I like to take trips when I’m ready not when I have permission.  I always feel underpaid (the gender wage gap is real).  I’m not good at being fake.  And I never felt totally “secure” at a job.  I’ve come to the realization that I’ve been trying to force myself into a mold that was never meant for me!  I’ve been trying to live my life by other people’s expectations and rules.  I was happier when I was working for myself.  So I made a promise to myself to get back to that happiness and work for myself again.  I know what I want out of life, I know what success looks like to me, and I have a plan.  Stay tuned…